Is the Gay life over; or what's going on.

Here I am, another Friday evening and I'm not at a favorite watering hole, having martinis and Hor's d'overies (sic) and figuring out how to spend another evening alone.

For a while, in the early part of this century, Richard (my late business partner) and I ran a gay night at a large straight club where we entertained hundreds of men from all over New England. It worked well until someone started spiking the drinks with "Mickys" and we stopped it before anyone else got hurt. I think the thing that upset us the most was that the other clubs (there were three then) felt that somehow we were taking business away from them. We had created a rather extensive e-mail list of gays all over New England through our websites and got them to travel to Portland on a Friday evening. Our members came from Boston and Bangor and parts farther afield to enjoy our hospitality. We also provided stamping so that our guests could leave to visit the other clubs. This way all the clubs got bodies in their doors. It was just one of the many things Richard and I did to support the gay community of greater Portland, while trying to make a small profit along the way. Well, Richard is now gone and the community that we supported for many years has changed so totally. Since I moved back to Maine from NYC in 1988 I have watched our community grow and change to the sophisticated harmonious group it has become. Almost all my friends are partnered. The world finally sees us as just like everyone else.

The kids get it. As we, Portland's older gay population, makes way for the youth, the whole tableau of the gay lifestyle has changed as well. Young people have no problem understanding that being gay is not a lifestyle choice. As a young friend said, "we don't choose, we are chosen." With this, I wonder how much longer gay bars will exist. Young people go to bars with their friends. Just plain ol' bars They feel no need to seek out their own, they no longer feel the need to hide and live a double life. They can even marry their love partner's if they choose.

I wonder how long pride weeks will continue. I came out in 1969 around the time of the Stonewall incident. I found life much easier being out, although it pretty much eliminated the career of teaching that I had chosen in college. Living in a college town in the early 70's there were gay night at many clubs, I remember going out dancing with my boyfriend. When I left the college town of Amherst, I went to Boston where I trained at a young business called Tech HiFi. There was no problem with my being gay as I soon discovered there were many brothers working for the company as well. I later transferred to the Manhattan district. It was so easy to be out and gay in Manhattan and even with the AIDS epidemic I was respected by the company for whom I worked and I advanced. In NYC there were many gay clubs to go to, some really strange like the one that paid tribute to Star Trek with a portal to enter and many floors of spaceship to explore. When I visited Maine it was another story. Portland had a gay bar, Rolands, that had a back room with a red light to let the patrons know the Police had arrived to harass them and harass they did. I believe every gay club in Portland was burned until Blackstones. I remember being totally grossed out by the attitudes towards Gay in Maine. How times have changed!

Pride week used to be so important to our kind. I'm sure you remember teachers having to wear masks while marching in the Pride Parade so that they wouldn't loose their jobs. Although I marched with several of the gay groups (Unum's Gay focus group, The Maine Gay Men's Chorus, and several of the groups around Portland that offered meeting without alcohol) I think back to the need for these groups and how they no longer exist.

Richard and I launched a gay website and it's companion newspaper, “The Companion” around ten years ago. I remember writing in the first issue the fact that the gay community was gentrifying and we were looked at as a market yet untapped. This was the summer that Logo TV was launched and they spent a week in front of the pier in Portland broadcasting. This spring I saw a bridal news supplement for the Gay community. We have gained status as real people not a fringe group that hides in dark taverns drinking our lives away.

So now I come to the issue of Gay Pride week. It seems that only three people remain on the Pride committee and now the community is yelling fowl. Doesn't it really come down to a lack of interest on our part. I have watched Pride week fall apart over the past 8 years. Who can forget the pier dance moving to the CCCC because of rain and about 20 people showed up. The city stopped the leasing of the pier so no Pier Dance. The city asked Pride to move in order to not interfere with the Farmers Market. Yes all these things have happened but it not the fault of the city or for that matter the Pride Committee. it's the changes in the gay community itself.

Earlier, I mentioned about the kids getting it. I see them looking back at Gay Pride as a necessity (just as I do the Stonewall riots) but not something that needs to continue. It's like having a parade to celebrate red hair or tall people. As we become more and more integrated into society, the less we need to put ourselves in straight peoples faces and remind them that “we're here, we're queer, get over it!” They and we have gotten over it.